Lacanianism is narcissism?

I've been invested in philosophy and psychoanalysis for a long time now. Some half a year ago, maybe a bit more, I've stumbled upon Lacanian psychoanalysis. It immediately resonated to me. The feeling of lack, ego being reconcilliation of the split subject after perceiving oneself as an object in the mirror, perceiving other people like objects and constantly trying to fill that lack with consuming other objects, consuming their desire in a never ending loop of dissatisfaction, being a split subject fundamentally detached from it's own pre-ego experience. I've recently had a break in the imaginary/symbolic and fell down to the real, the void, after an extremely vicious emotionally abusive episode I've had towards another person whom I've traumatised. I've then discovered I 99.9% surely have NPD. I honestly think I don't need a professional diagnosis, even though I'm going to seek out one. The description of symptoms and youtube content just resonated inside me. I've always felt that I'm kinda different, detached from other people as a whole. I'd sometimes have an inflated ego about it, being different, special, unique, nobody can understand me, these peasants don't know how life really is etc. Now I understand what made Lacan resonate so deeply. Does anyone of you know about him? Does the theory resonate as a perfect descriptor of a narcissists inner world?

I was very suicidal after learning about Lacan's theory. I now know that I'd never kill myself because I love myself too much, but it's still a nice fantasy. I didn't ask for this. That's what I hate most about it. It's been such a nauseating experience being me my whole life. I feel like I need a break from consciousness. I'm sorry that I've done harm to other people, but I'm also doing it to myself every second of my consciouss experience. They didn't deserve my malice but I didn't deserve my malice either. Knowing deeply that you'll always be alone in your own world of self-hatred and self-abuse is so twisted. How do you manage suicidality?