Weight hangups between mothers and daughters

Just read an AITAH post that reminded me why I'm very careful in how I answer my daughter when she asks me about her weight/size.

I was a very active kid (dance, gymnastics, track) and had a good metabolism. My older sister and mom were always larger and, frankly, never moved more than was absolutely necessary. By the time my sister was 14 she and my mom could share clothes and they bonded over shopping together. I could never be part of this because I was "too skinny" and couldn't shop in the same sections as them or wear the same style of clothes. Sometimes my mom would say, completely out of nowhere, "God, you are SO THIN!" as if I looked sickly when in fact I was just really sporty. Years later when I called to announce my pregnancy she managed a halfhearted congratulations before asking, "But dear, do the doctors think it's safe for you to carry a baby at your size?" To be clear, I'm average height with a BMI smack in the middle of the healthy range. There is nothing even remotely problematic about my size. She proceeded to ask about how much weight I gained throughout my pregnancy, until finally just before giving birth she asked what my total weight gain was and I thought, ah, finally she'll be satisfied! I told her I'd gained 30 pounds. Instead of being OK with this weight, she replied with, "Wow, I NEVER gained that much! You must feel like a WHALE!"

Writing all of this out has made me realize how much these comments affected my body image, to the point that I really never thought of myself as attractive or feminine. I also can see all the ways our mom influenced my sister to become and stay large, even after she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a kid. Type 1 diabetes is not the same as type 2. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune condition that happens out of nowhere, usually in childhood, and it's unrelated to a person's weight. That said, being overweight is very bad for anyone with diabetes and the doctors were constantly telling my mom and sister that her weight was a major problem because it made her diabetes much worse. When I think back on the pizzas my mom and sister would share in the car or the secret trips to Baskin Robbins, always followed up with insulin shots and blood sugar panics... it was neglect in the best scenario, abuse if you're not feeling generous. This ultimately led to my sister's death in her 40s. Diabetes leads to kidney damage, kidney damage leads to kidney failure.

Sorry, I began this thinking about how my mom's comments affected me, but I'm the lucky one because the worst I took away from it was resentment and a skewed body image. The other potential outcome in which a kid tries to please their weight-obsessed parent is obviously so much worse.

So, yeah. When my tween daughter asks me about her weight I respond, "You're a perfectly healthy size with a healthy body. How do you feel?" And go from there.