I thought grieving losing my baby would get easier but it just feels like it's getting harder

I miscarried 5 months ago and I miss Charlie more and more each day. I'm on vacation with my partner in NYC and I should be happy but I've just been so sad because I wasn't supposed to be able to go on this trip as I was supposed to be in my third trimester and not flying on planes... I just wish I was home with my baby in my belly. 😭