Just wondering?

Most times I am big and strong, It’s how I’ve learned to survive

I cannot show weakness If I do I just might die

I plow through the days and believe what I’ve learned

But once in a great while

I feel a little vulnerable Like I’m standing on the outside Of this world And life I have compiled

When holidays come I’m at a loss I don’t know what is right I know that I will make it through But I experience some strife

I feel like I have to be someone That everyone can respect The picture of No Contact The perfection of healed And that I get it Like with me there is no doubt

But I am not that person Everyday Just look at me

Days like today kick me square up in the balls As it would seem

I spend time with my friends And my family of my choice But I have to wonder How could they let this go How could they never love me

How is it they don’t give a shit About my life Where I am or what I’m doing It causes me such strife

I hate that after all these years I still think of them I wonder why they don’t love me Wonder how is their thanksgiving WHEN I AM NOT IN IT

I guess I made it through today With my strength and face in place Went to my friends And carried on Laughed and I fit in Like none of this shit bugs me But alas it does I just wondered If I’m alone In this feeling?