Went cold turkey for work

Just wanted to say that I went cold turkey for work. I relapsed, but work got so stressful that I almost had a breakdown. Usually when I have kind of a breakdown, I use my MDs as a catharsis—— I imagine myself yelling at someone or beating them up to release that frustration in my imagination. Sometimes this just makes me even angrier. I was also tired that day and had little to eat.

I wonder what it’s like when I go cold turkey on quiet days, right after relapsing, when I’ve eaten decently, and when I’m well-rested. I’m wondering if I have chronic anxiety (I was diagnosed with GAD, but I’m skeptical) and depression (diagnosed with MDD but am wondering if it’s PDD, or both). I’m mainly wondering this cuz I’m not sure if I feel this way cuz of lack of sleep and nutrition or if it’s mental health issues.

I’m gonna go cold turkey again sometime soon. I keep putting it off cuz, as mentioned before, I want to do it when I’m at my best so I can see which are my issues and which are just the results of lack of sleep/nutrition/stress/MD withdrawal. I have been planning to do this for a while now, but of course my MD keeps causing me to stay up late and to skip meals, which causes me to put this experiment off longer.

Also, something upsetting recently happened to me and I want to wait for the emotions of this event to wear off so it doesn’t taint my experiment.

I don’t even know if this makes any sense.