i feel like i’m nothing without makeup. need advice

i refuse to leave the house without makeup and it's been this way for four years now. i know i am ugly without it and here's why.

in the beginning of high school, almost every day, someone would say something about the way i looked. it would be random people just passing by the halls. never the same person. almost every day. the thing about being very ugly is that people don't even respect you enough to say it quietly or behind your back. they just say it out loud as they see you, knowing you hear it because you're literally a foot away from them. as if you're not even human and their job is to observe you and discuss their thoughts with the person next to them. i think it hurt most that it was a new person each day. me being so objectively ugly that all these different people had something negative to say about what i look like.

i learned how to do makeup for my face junior year and my life flipped. i got attention from boys for the first time. girls wanted to be my friend. guys would be stopping me in the halls for my number. i went from getting 70 likes on a selfie to 400. i literally went viral on tiktok for posting my "glo up". i felt good about myself for a moment, but when i went to take off my makeup, i realized i just looked exactly the same without it.

so that is why i can never be seen without makeup. and i don't know what to do about it because it would kill me to go back to how i used to be treated. but it also kills me knowing i'm a fraud. i plan to never get in a relationship even though i badly want to. i feel too bad to trick a guy into falling for me with my makeup.

i feel unlovable without makeup. i hate taking it off and having the reminder that it's still me under there.

i'm scared of going back to being disrespected and hurt. but how am i going to keep living as this fake person for the rest of my life? it's like i have to choose between bullying myself or letting the world bully me.

is plastic surgery the only answer here? lol