Should I quit uni ?

so for some context, I, 20F, just lost my mom due to multiple sclerosis in the end of July. She was 59 years old… It was a long battle with the disease and she had some cognitive and mobility difficulties, so I became her caregiver along with my dad. Now that she is gone, I feel like I’ve grown older of 10 years. I can’t relate to people my age. I feel like everything is dark, I’m angry at everything and everyone for just looking my way, I really don’t feel good.

My friends think I’m already over it, people just think it’s fine. It’s true that I’m really good at hiding what I’m feeling, but heck I’m emotionally destroyed.

Anyhow, I just started university two weeks ago. I was mentally already on thin ice, barely keeping everything together. I was working a summer job I loved (which was backhoe operator for a recycling centre), always being outside actually made me feel good. I also had great coworkers there. Older folks that actually understood me.

But now that it’s back to school time, taking 2h to commute by train and metro (I couldn’t afford rant close to the school), I feel like I’m really touching the bottom. I know it may sound like nothing but I really dislike being stuck with a lot of people in a closed space. I also feel very stuck in my classrooms as I can’t be outside anymore. Plus everything the teachers are saying seems so… not important ? A year ago I would’ve been thrilled. I used to love school, but now I just can’t stand it. I’m falling asleep during lessons, I’m trying hard but something really seems off.

I’d like to know if I’m just a big cry baby or if something is actually wrong with me … it feels like someone disconnected all the wires in my brain and reconnected them all wrong…