Grief and LSD

Hi everyone,

I lost my wife two weeks ago today. It's a really hard to process for me as she passed away suddenly, pulmonar embolia. We were classical LSD consumers I guess, we were taking a trip every one or two months since few years. We always enjoyed the molecule. We always took our trips to the psychedelic world with weed together, in various occasions, but mainly in the forest, mountain in Mexico (where were living), or we were going to the museum with light doses. LSD was something we loved and shared. We read a lot about the molecule, classical books about it or about how to produce it. She was a doctor in chemistry and extremely passionate about all of this. As you can imagine, even if it sounds cliché, she was my best friend, my love and the one for me. We're young, less than 40. I'm still deep in bureaucracy to bring her back home in Mexico, as we were traveling in my country when this happened, just before coming back to our place to just live our simple life.

I'm not gonna lie, all is extremely hard, and with all the administrative problems, I cannot start my grieving process, so her loss didn't start to hit hard. Things starts to settle down a little bit, and I can see clearly that I'm way more impacted by her loss than what I thought. I know taking a trip in this situation could be either helpful, or uninhibit me for the worst. I'm considering clearly and logically all options.

Do some of you have experience with grief and LSD? Did it helped you? I know the danger of taking a dose while not being well in your head. I know where it can lead you, and I'm OK with that. But for people that finished the trip, did it help you or was it only more pain after? Hofmann reports both in his book.

Thanks

EDIT> a huge thanks to everyone for your answers. I wasn't expecting so much advices, experiences share and love. I always felt that the psychedelic and psychonaut community was good vibe and supportive, but I wasn't expecting so much. Really thank you all of you for sharing your thoughts, or just reading the post, it really helps. From all I read, waiting feels like the best option. It's so simple and logical, and yet I totally didn't see it. I think the pain is really strong and I wanted things to be bearable quickly. I understand now I cannot avoid this and that there is more chances that traveling in the psychedelic world right now has more chances to harm me instead of helping me.

I'll take time as soon as I can to answer to everyone slowly. You all gave me a lot of things to think about, shared powerful experiences, and even if we don't know in physical life, I can feel your love and support. It feels precious.

Thank you