I hope this helps the newly diagnosed feel less alone :)

Disclaimer: This post is for those who are mainly experiencing the mental health repercussions of a new gHSV diagnosis. Take what resonates, and leave the rest. Just because it doesn't relate to you, doesn't mean it can't be helping someone!

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To my comrades in herpes,

As a newly diagnosed individual (ghsv-2), I wanted to write out everything that I've learnt, gone through, and realised in the 5 weeks since my diagnosis, to hopefully help someone feel less alone and scared like I was.

Firstly

I (25F) never thought it would happen to me. Ever. When my girlfriends came to me telling of their third or fourth bout of Chlamydia, I was thinking "who the hell are you guys sleeping with?!" I was (mostly) careful, got tested regularly, and only slept with guys who were 'clean', tested and wearing protection.

Oh boy, was I in for a shock. Because the awful realisation is this: STI's and STD's do not discriminate, and even a girl who had never even had a curable sexually transmitted anything (not even thrush or BV), was left with the crushing diagnosis that she had an incurable one. Cue the waterworks.

Understand the aspects that are serious, and the ones that are not

Hygiene, natural supplements, a healthy lifestyle and status disclosure, have now become things you should take seriously. Give your body the best chance it has to keep the virus dormant, and your outbreaks minimal. Take this is an opportunity to live a healthy lifestyle, and hopefully ward off other self-inflicted health issues.

Give people their chance to choose what they want to do with their body. The thing that keeps me motivated with disclosure: knowing that I could be a part of a chain of outbreaks that lead to someones mental health deterioration or suicide. I will also always do as much as possible to prevent passing it on, even to accepting partners, because I have no way of guaranteeing that they will have the same ethical standpoint as me, and an unaware person could find themselves in my shocked and unwilling shoes one day.

However, this brings me to where it is not serious. You are not dirty, you are not unlovable, you are not a freak, and you most certainly do NOT need to commit suicide. After diagnosis, you are now more at risk of committing suicide than before diagnosis, and it breaks my heart. This leads me to my next point.

Your life is not over, please do not leave the earth because of this

I had a gnarly first OB, scoured this forum and the medical literature freaking myself out. Post after post of 'I want to die', 'my life is over', 'is there any hope', shone bright in my eyes as I descended further and further into depression.

I eliminated alcohol and weed to give my body a break, bought all the supplements people recommended, and waited with deep anxiety to see what I was in for. Then, my second outbreak hit only 2 weeks after my first. And I cried. With happiness.

The truth is for the vast majority of immunocompetent people with this virus, is it isn't the end of the world. After my nerve pain and blisters settled from my first OB, the second was a joke in comparison. My thoughts were "Is this seriously what I was contemplating suicide over? Are you kidding me?" and "is this actually what is meant to make me a social pariah for the rest of my life?". While my outbreaks have been more frequent than I'd like, they are a mild inconvenience at best. I would take it over chronic UTI's in a heartbeat. Before you feel completely helpless and afraid, give yourself a chance to see how it will actually interact with your body. Then, please take steps to help your immunesystem.

This is absolutely nothing against those with life-impacting symptoms at all, I feel so incredibly sympathetic for you. Your health is a serious thing, and I hope there are more interventions for you coming very soon.

To the people who come onto this thread saying that they would never sleep with someone with HSV, who always make sure their partners show them their screenings because it will never happen to them (the condescension is always so full on in these comments)

Yes, it's completely in your control to say no to sleeping with someone with HSV! Disclosure is so important, and people should be in control of their sexual health. I'm sure diagnosis rates wouldn't be as big as they are if everyone disclosed, and in a perfect world, if everyone who had it knew that they did.

Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. Most doctors will not test for HSV, and even if they do, the blood tests are not reliable. A good portion of the public have no idea they might have something that their doctor has never tested them for. Majority of people are asymptomatic, and completely able to shed the virus and pass it on without ever knowing. To make it even more volatile, there is absolutely zero way to 100% make sure that your sexual and romantic partner has not, and will never, cheat on you. So, all those screenings, blood tests, and assurances of your inability to get infected now mean nothing. Plenty of people have felt safe, been cheated on, and found out their HSV positive status because their partner has unknowingly brought back herpes to the relationship.

I have no problem with disclosure rejection, but this 'it will never happen to me, I'm clean!' attitude is almost laughable, and I really hope you're not tempting fate. I have taken this as an opportunity to reflect and grow as a person, I was a less intense version of these people, silently judging and happy that I would never be "one of those people". I sure got the shock of my life!! The universe always has a way of humbling you.

There is hope in the medical community, and education is important

Pritelivir is looking great at the moment as an alternative to valacyclovir, slashing shedding rates (which is when your contagious without symptoms). If it hits the market this 2025/26, it will be great for people with negative partners, and will hopefully give people better piece of mind. Antivirals can cause resistance like antibiotics, and there hasnt been any sign of resistance yet.

As a single gal, I am going down the no antivirals path because I don't have a partner, I am hoping this will build my natural antibodies and lessen my chance of forming antiviral resistance if it ever gets worse.

Moderna's vaccine is currently in phase 2 of clinical trials, I found two people active on this thread who received both shots in the trial. Both had monthly or bi-monthly outbreaks previously, and had not had one since their second injection. Great news! While this is unlikely to be available to the public before 2028, there is hope you can hold onto. However, from what I have seen this is a functional cure, it will not eradicate the virus but put the transmission down to almost nothing.

The stigma is in the persistence and permanence of the virus, when that is improved, I truely believe the stigma will go away!

Gene-editing molecules are looking like the best bet for a complete cure!

Fred Hutch have reported some great results on animal testing for a gene-editing strategy. It is still unseen how it will interact with the human body, and it will tale a long time for it to go through trials, but how great that progress is even being made!

Rejection is not the end of the world - here is my first experience

I got my diagnosis, and first disclosure rejection, all in a couple of weeks (ouch). Heartbreak and health issues are pretty bad for the human brain, but take solace that once your rejected, thats all it will be! Rejection therapy is becoming increasingly popular, and I'm glad I got my first one out of the way before I could get in my head. I mourned the potential of a relationship that didn't yet exist, and I moved on. Nothing against him, we roll with the cards we are dealt in life and thats it.

Funnily enough, when I disclosed, this guy confused HPV with HSV, and told me how ridiculous I was being for even disclosing. He said he got diagnosed 4 years ago, and never told a partner since because "90% will be exposed at some point in their life". He said its just spots, and had no health risks (these statements became pretty crazy once the error was admitted to, because these stats are all pretty similar)

If he had said warts instead of spots, in that moment I could have picked up on his mistake, but unfortunately he didn't. While the HPV that causes warts are usually the most harmless, there is no way for him to know if he ALSO carries a high risk strain that doesn't. This is the leading cause of cervical cancer in women, and increases mens risk of cancer too, but apparently HPV doesn't matter and doesn't require disclosure, I disagree.

When he realised his mistake I received the message about how he confused them, wasn't okay with exposing himself to herpes, and said I was doing the right thing by disclosing this "serious" STD. I told him to speak to his doctor about it left it at that. He claimed his one "was temporary, and cleared in a few years so is super chill in comparison." Let me tell you, while you body CAN clear HPV, it doesn't mean that it WILL. Anyway, this is the sexual education we're all rocking with, and its super concerning.

Time heals all (mental) wounds

As a newbie I dont know, but Ive seen countless comments from beautiful older people in the community reminding us that time is a great healer. OB's can lessen over time, and more importantly, your mind will adjust to this new thing and it will fall to the background of other good things in your life.

One thing that has already helped me is thinking of all of the reasons I love being alive that have nothing to do with a romantic or sexual relationship.

Eating a yummy croissant, dancing to great music, travelling to a new destination, talking with likeminded friends, cuddling with my dog, walking in a beautiful place, and drinking a bomb lemon lime and bitters.

Also - intimacy is so much more than sex! Take this as a chance to slow down your dating life to the good ol' days of; hand holding, cuddling, doing an activity and engaging in great conversation. I'm bringing it back, baby! This will be my filter for the fuck boys, and help me get back more wholesome romantic interactions.

If you got through this whole thing, you've got this, you're not alone, you rock, and life hasn't seen how strong you are yet!! Fuck it, we ball xx