Fragrance Departments Are So Embarrassing Now

I go on smelling trips to Bloomie's in a very wealthy suburb of Chicago whenever I'm in the neighborhood.

I went yesterday and there were even more associates there than usual. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it feels like I'm onstage. I even did a little wave to my audience when I came in because there were a zillion employees staring at me. Every time I looked up from a fragrance, I'd lock eyes with 1-2 employees.

I'm not mad at them. They're usually really nice and knowledgeable I would love to chat with them like I did back when they were behind a counter and weren't being forced to make me feel like I'm wearing an ankle monitor. The vibe is so bad that I never want to stay! I just come with a mission to spray my little cards and get out so I can sit in the car and actually think about them. I can't imagine how awful this is for black customers (who are often followed around stores as it is).

Vilhelm Parfumerie doesn't even have test bottles sitting out - they have 1.5ml samples. Oh, and did I mention that this store has a cop SUV parked directly outside the door at all times and the cop stands there right next to the doors that lead into the fragrance department and nods at you like he's a WalMart greeter? Not a mall cop - an actual cop with a gun. Sometimes there's a police dog, too! I wish I was joking!

It's so disgusting that these companies have stolen unprecedented wealth from their employees in the form of wage theft and from customers in the form of insane price gouging over these last few years but they are so petrified of The Line Not Going Up that they have people guarding half-empty Xerjoff bottles like they're the Mona Lisa. It's like the retail equivalent of rich white guys that carry a gun to the golf club "in case they're attacked". If I was part of executive management I would be so mortified to parade my insecurity around in public like this.

It's hard to imagine that enough people are buying fragrances in-store to make all this worth it - and if it's just to get people in the door, why is this department right by the door? The milk is in the back of the grocery for a reason. They're making people feel so weird that they can't wait to leave! I don't even think rich women would really enjoy this. Make it make sense.