My biggest fear is dying

Im just so scared of being non existent or gone. I respect all religions but I don’t follow any. I believe that anything that other people believe could be true, but there’s no real evidence so why bother. I don’t want to spend my life fearing god. I want to actually live and enjoy it, but it’s hard to not think about death. What is gonna happen to me? It’s hard to imagine anything really happening in my mind. The only logical thing I can think about is just being gone forever. Like “poof“ and I don’t exist anymore, nothing else to it. But I hate that. it’s horrible. I want to exist, I want to have meaning, I want to live. But it doesn’t work like that. If there is an afterlife, I’ll probably spend it in hell. I just can’t force myself to believe in god and actually be a Christian. Trust me, I’ve tried. maybe I want to go to heaven, but there’s just nothing I can do to make myself believe it actually exists. I cannot stop the dread that comes to me whenever I think about death.