Feeling So Conflicted

Baby is almost 15 weeks and I've been EP since the beginning. I worked my butt off bringing my supply up and finding a sweet spot of 5 ppd while trying to maintain my sanity. My goal was originally 6 months but I brought it down to 2024.

So I hit that goal(ish) but the guilt of quitting still consumed me until this last week. Everything was so difficult that I felt like I couldn't find the time to pump and resented that any minimal downtime I did have was for pumping. I have grown to hate wearables so it's Spectra or bust for me. I decided I'm done. I felt no guilt about it and started weaning a few days ago.

I've started mixing bottles half and half and it's like when I smell the formula or see her spit up, I hate myself for feeding it to her. I hate it so much. I'm so lost between two terrible feelings and not even sure what I'm searching for but just wanted to vent to ppl that know the struggle.

Do I go back to 5 ppd and pray I didn't mess my supply? Will I just feel like quitting again? Will I come to terms with formula feeding? I feel so selfish.