American moms - I need your help!

First up, I live in a country where breastfeeding for 1-2 years exclusively is very much the norm. Pumping is very unusual.

I've been searching for advice online, and US resources are by far the most helpful, so I am desperately hoping someone here can help me.

I gave birth 25. November via planned c-section at 37+5 due to pregnancy complications. Baby struggled to breathe immediately so I could not do skin to skin for a few hours while she was on a c-pap machine.

Tried to establish breastfeeding at the hospital for the next 3 days. She would not latch AT ALL. During this period, she wasn't fed as nurses advised against formula. She weighed 4.2kg at birth (9+ pounds).

I had heard about pumping from a blog (but didn't really understand it) and asked if I could start pumping at the hospital to secure my supply on 27 November - 3 days after the birth. I managed to get a small colostrum / first milk flow going, using a Medela Symphony, which reassured me - but it was only 10-20ml per pumping. By this point we convinced the nurses to let us give formula because she’d lost 12% of her birthweight in 3 days.

Discharged 28 November with a warning about the weight loss, and gave her formula with some pumped milk - managed to get up to 100ml a pumping session so was feeling quite positive (pumping every 3 hours). I continued trying to get her to latch, but she couldn’t, even with help from a consultant and a health visitor. She has a high palate and a recessed bottom lip.

On 30 November, baby was suddenly admitted to NICU because her breathing started to fail. I was in total distress and crying so much. I still carried on trying to pump every 3 hours, but my output immediately fell to 5ml every session. I was told it was because I’d gotten too stressed and my cortisol was too high to produce milk.

We were discharged on Monday, and now I can’t seem to recover my pumping output. I’ve been doing lots of skin-to-skin and trying to get her to latch still, with no success. I’m basically 98% formula feeding now. It’s horrible pumping and pumping and looking at a-near empty jar.

I spoke to a lactation consultant at the hospital, and she said I’ve lost my chance to breastfeed/pump now and the window is closed as we’re past 7!days post partum and I should’ve been referred for help within 24 hours of her failing to feed. I did ask for help but the nurses just kept trying to put her on my nipples the same way over and over again. I’m so angry at myself for getting so upset at the NICU that I ruined my supply by spiking my cortisol levels.

I've tried power pumping, pumping every 2 hours, lactation acupuncture, different flange sizes (been measured at 24/27/30 and a mix of them all... argh!). I can't get above 30ml / 1 oz a session. She's been assessed as needing 680+ ml a day and I'm barely getting 120 ml a day.

I'm exhausted and can barely spend time with my baby. Partner is doing nearly all the changes and cuddles and bottle feeds and I feel like I can't bind with her. I'm dreading each pumping session so much I cry. I've already felt so traumatised by all this that I will never have another child.

She really seems to struggle with formula too - she gets so gassy compared to the breast milk bottles and vomits it up often. I've been advised to give her special proteins in the milk to encourage weight gain at this point. I am so, so stressed.

Has anyone else ever had this situation? Can I come back from this, or do I need to accept that I am destined for formula feeding now? I didn’t realise quite how small the window was - and trusted the nurses to help me: I’m so sad.