Here is my story…

I (27m) met this girl (27) a few years ago in Cuba but we started regularly to talk online about 5 years. She lovebombed me from the start, so I was kinda suspicious. My mother told me to try having a relationship with her anyways because I never had one before and it would give me experience . I ended up going to Cuba to visit her after talking to her for two years on Messenger. Everything went great and we had good chemistry (also great sex). However, when I came back home, i found that she was clingy and I started to lose feelings. She kept telling me how hard it was for her living in Cuba and that she couldn’t wait to see me and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I ended up dumping her a few months after our first encounter and she was pretty upset. I told her that because we were culturally different (but that was BS) . The thing is that i regretted my decision as soon as I did it. I told her that a few weeks later and she was confused since it was my decision. She also said that I was immature and that I didn’t appreciate what I had. Another thing is that she would text me every morning to see if I slept well, if it ate and she would ask me how my day was going. During our relationship, she would also send me a lot of videos, pictures and personalized love messages. She might not have been fully honest with me during the relationship but she could make me feel good at times. A few weeks after I told her, that I regretted my decision, she told that we could stay friend. But then, she asked me for money to leave Cuba. I told her no and that it was inappropriate for her to ask me. She then try to manipulate me by telling me how much i’ve hurt her by refuse to give her money. A few months went by, she managed to get out of the country and reach Mexico. She sends me pictures of her there and keeps me updated on how she is doing. After she has been sending me a lot of pictures, i tell her that she looks amazing. Then, she started to talk about how much I’ve hurt her when I dumped her and she was trying to understand why I did that. We had a pretty long conversation about it and we decided to give ourselves a second chance. She arrived in the USA a few weeks later and from that point on I started to visit her once a month. For three months, we had a good chemistry, did a lot of activities in NYC together when i visited her from Canada. Except, she would often ask for money for groceries, her phone bill, a debt she had to pay because of her trip to the USA and a gym membership. I’ve helped with some of these things because she didn’t have her work permit but was trying hard to find a job anyways. Three months later after I started to visit her monthly in the USA, she started to act distant. I told her in June that I was going to visit her for a week and not for a weekend like i usually do. She then told me that it would be better if i went during the weekend because she might have an appointment for her immigration process. That was bullshit she probably just didn’t want to see me. However, she told me a day before i arrived in the USA that she felt depressed because she felt powerless regarding of her situation in the States because she didn’t have a job, she lived with her aunt without paying rent, she had a court date and couldn’t help her family who were struggling . I went there anyway and when i came to pick her up at her house so that we could go to the air bnb. When I went to kiss her, she showed me the cheek. On our way, to the airbnb she didn’t say a word. When we got there, i sat on the bed and she sat on the sofa. Another sign of distancing. When we went to bed, she started to cuddle me and when i wanted to initiate something more intimate she turned her back to me. The next day, she had to pick her welfare check at the immigration office before she left the airbnb, she gave me a kiss. I then left to go to NYC and bumped into her as I was going to my bus stop. Before i left her, i tried to kiss her again and she showed me the cheek again. I got back at the airbnb at the end of the day and i cooked dinner for both of us but she still felt distant. I asked her after dinner if she was feeling better and then she talked to me about her problems and how she needs some space to manage them. Then, she told me that she didn’t know when she will be able to be in a relationship again (ofc it was her way for her to say it was over between us). She said that but didn’t say anything else so i asked her if she wanted to leave. She said yes. She left. It’s been six months.

Right after that, I started to cry like a baby in the Airbnb.

I wrote her three weeks to ask why she didn’t dumped me before i arrived in the states. She said that she thought that seeing me would make her feel better. What a load of crap !

Then I went no contact

I feel better than I was six months ago. I moved out of my parents house, started to go to the gym, read a shit-ton of self-improvement books, took singing lessons, tried to start a band and work my own solo musical project . I don’t feel the need to be with her anymore. However, i’m working towards moving forward without having closure. I’m still mad at her because she seemed to have moved on fast

I know what you are all going to say. "This girl used you for your money". "You should have stopped contacting when you broke up with her the first". Yes, you’re right. But she wasn’t all bad. It’s important to mention that she pointed out several things regarding my behaviour and personality that needed to change. So, despite, the shitty way she treated me she contributed to my personal growth