My pod wants to play magic but doesn't want to play magic

Sorry in advance for the wall of text ahead and also for the broken english (not my native language)

So for context I'm a seasoned yu-gi-oh player, and I stopped playing a while back because games were centered around the "build a board" design, which I just don't like. I'm more into playing a grindy game with good back-and-forth and plenty agency for both players, and I simply didn't get to experience it often enough. But that also means I already knew about the fundamentals of card games (like deckbuilding ratios, obscure counterintuitive rulings, consistency, card advantage, resolving a chain of effects, managing resources...) before coming to magic.

About a year ago my group of friends got me into magic by suggesting that I buy a commander precon, and so I did. We started with low-powered stuff and each upgraded our decks, then bought or built new ones, and so on. I started with the [[Brimaz, blight of Oreskos]] precon, then received the tyranids precon from universes beyond : 40k as a gift. After that, I built a [[Ulalek, fused atrocity]] arch-enemy deck as a way to promote interaction by clearly showing myself as a threat that needed to be dealt with. Then later I built a [[Chiss-goria, forge tyrant]] voltron deck in an effort to play a straightforward strategy with easily understandable chokepoints, and also because I so dearly love tax evasion.

Now, even though we all have plenty of games under our belts, some of my friends still get very pissed when someone drops a huge blowout spell, typically a board wipe. They often scoop up their decks as soon as their commander gets removed, or when their hand is empty, regardless of the board state, and they tend to dislike interaction in general. I used to react in the same way when I started playing the game, because the deck I had relied on its commander for its game plan and couldn't achieve it without him. But I kinda grew out of it progressively, simply by watching content on yt and by looking for other interesting commanders I could build around that would make for strong strategies while not being the only enabler.

Another issue I have seen arise within my pod is the weird threat assessment and vindictive mindset, that sometimes carries over to the next game, and the lack of attention to detail. It looks to me as if some of them don't give a flying f- about the cards I have on my board and start asking what they should target only when they draw the occasional removal spell. In general, it feels like intricate synergies and precise targetting of threats isn't regarded at all. The main reason to target a player is because he attacked you the turn before, and that's it. In general they don't even consider politicking someone out of doing something, it's too often about who has a sol ring on board or who's got the bigger total power.

So I did away with the introduction, and now for my actual problem I need solved:

Yesterday I sat down to play commander with 2 of those friends, and I opted to play one of their own precons for the sake of trying something new, so I ended up playing a lightly modified [[Shorikai, genesis engine]] deck from the neon dynasty set. Again for context, he assured me his deck was so very extremely bad due to the crew mechanic not performing great in commander.

First game I have crazy ramp in my opener, my other friend also stacks up a strong early board, but the one that lended me his deck announces around turn 5 that he forfeits because he's one red mana short to cast his commander (admittedly, it's a voltron deck and he was giga behind already), so we just stop there and decide to start another game.

Game 2, I have another pretty strong opener, the voltron player switched to my tyranids precon and is ramping up. The last player gets enough mana to cast his commander. For context about the remainder of the game, just note that my other friend was on a [[Roxanne, starfall savant]] treasure-focused deck he just built, and we already tested it in a game where I got my ass handed to me by a [[Finale of devastation]] with X=10 on turn 6, against my near-empty board (I still think that was cool).

Since he's already on a solid mana base and I know his deck gets out of hand quickly, I opt to remove his commander as soon as it ETB, so he gets his permanent mana rock and 2 damage ping, but doesn't get to immediately vomit his hand on the board. He gets mad at me for doing that, arguing that we agreed we shouldn't counterspell commanders, to which I respond that he doesn't understand the difference between countering it and killing it on ETB. I then have to show him that the only thing he doesn't get is the mana-doubling for the rest of the turn, unless he taps out his treasures pre-emptively to still benefit from it, and that it means he might even be able to cast it again and get another ETB trigger. The other player doesn't get what I mean right away, so first asks me to clarify, to which I start explaining why the meteorite is still created and how he can just tap out his treasures while she's on the field even if I decide to cast a removal spell. Halfway through my explanation he somehow makes me understand he's not interested in what I am saying after all (which still bugs me right now, because he just asked seconds earlier ?), but I'm stubborn so I double down and finish my explanation, since I don't want him to accept a gamestate he doesn't understand, and I also don't feel like being disrespected.

The next turn, a debate comes up on whether you can crew a vehicle during combat, because for some reason my friend who owns this deck was told that it's not something you were allowed to do. No big deal, I walk both of them through the steps of the combat phase to explain exactly why it actually works, but it's already getting a bit tense, as blocking with my commander means I can take down Roxanne, and her controller felt insulted because I said it wasn't very complicated after explaining that. So he just tells me he's restraining himself from slapping me, he doesn't seem to be joking, and we kind of resume the game on that note and after I tell him to try it if he wants.

After that he plays a [[Bootlegger's stash]], then passes to my other friend, who plays a big dude with trample and passes.

So I'm in a spot where gameplay-wise, the Roxanne player can pay for anything worth upwards of 20 mana on the next turn if I don't deal with it, and politics-wise the other player doesn't acknowledge it as a threat, but also certainly thinks I'm some kind of shark trying to get an advantage by reinterpreting the rules.

Right after that I get access to an effect to mill cards and play one of them that turn, so I mill an artifact that deals 4 damage on ETB, tell the table I can deal with Roxanne this turn, the Roxanne player forfeits angrily right then and there, and we call it a day.

The discussion after that was very tense, I told them I play to win, end of the line, and they may consider it a token of respect for them and their efforts, or just as a way to give meaning and a drive to the game. I don't want to pull my punches, especially when facing an obvious optimal play. Their first complaint was that I should just let commanders do their thing, and that they don't like how I explain the rules to them. Also, they think playing for the win is a bad mentality, which sounds to me like they aren't capable of disassociating what happens in game from what happens around it.

I don't really know what to think of it, I'm also not a fan of countering commanders or dealing with them permanently, but I do think I should be able to take down the threats I recognize without being yelled at, or shamed by the table, regardless of how special it feels to the player having it.

So I'd like to have your point of view on that if you managed to read through all of it. I just feel demotivated to play the game after what happened. Have I brought too competitive of a mindset to my table ? Are there ways that you can think of to make other players more compelled by the game ? Am I just a dick for targetting his commander ? Have you gotten yourselves in the same situation before ?