More numb than I thought I'd be

First post ever. Please be gentle.

Dang. Life is brutal, huh? Twenty-one years, down the drain. I won't say it was for nothing, because this marriage gave me my kids who I love more than anything on the planet. There were plenty of happy times too. But now, to restart as I enter my 40s is wild. I've known my life with this person longer than I've known it without her. What's next? I'm oscillating right now, between scared, hopeless, angry, lost, and extremely sad. I've always been the type to have a hard time accepting change, but here's a big one. Faced with reality, and no one to save me but myself.

Sorry to be a sad sack. I know my story is not unique. I just have no one to talk to, so I appreciate the opportunity to rant.

Hope to be able to pick myself up out of what feels like the lowest point of a chaotic year and a half that was already pretty low.

Any advice how to come out stronger is appreciated. I don't feel very strong right now.