[US] visitation / custody / I give up

First time mom here. Had Irish twins back to back feb 2022 daughter and feb 2023 son. Married too soon in my early twenties and ex husband is 10 years older... and was abusive. No documentation of the abuse so no one believed me when I called the police (while pregnant with my son) I was forced to leave. He had the house so he got to keep our daughter. Ended up sleeping in my car and the moment I had our son he took me to court labeled unfit and won. I've been fighting ever since. Got a job, moved in with my brother in a 2 bedroom apartment and was getting a lawyer. Until my brother had to leave (for his own reasons, nothing to do with my situation) and now I can't afford my bills. Can't afford food. On child support. Can't afford the lawyer to continue fighting for my kids. He doesn't let me have them often. There's always something that comes up or gets in the way. Idk I'm saying all of this to say that as of yesterday, I'm done. I hate my job. My coworkers are messy and childish. So judgmental. I hate this overpriced apartment. I'm alone. I've lost so much weight. I'm just done. All I wanted was a chance to be a mom to my kids. If I can't have that, why go to a job I hate with people I hate? Why continue to pay bills that don't belong to me? My name isn't even on the damn lease. My ex husband just uses me as an ATM. He hates me so he doesn't let the kids be with me. He has said in multiple occasions he doesn't have a valid reason to do what he does. Sorry for the rant. Just needed someone to talk to.