taking a "break" is making me feel even more depressed

I decided to take it easy this semester and am only taking 3 classes ( they're 4 credits each). they're relatively easy so far. but I finish the work early and don't have a lot due on most days. I'm used to spending up to 8 hours a day studying, but now I finish and don't have anything to do. I tried using the spare time for my hobbies, but I'm still upset when I draw stuff because its all ugly. I haven't discovered the motivation to write. I don't even have the motivation to play video games. It's frustrating. I spend most of the time listening to music or reading, but I'm still miserable. I thought that having less courses would mean I'd be less stressed, but I'm still struggling to sleep, still crying, having panic attacks etc.

I like texting my friend, but he's busy this semester and I don't want to bother him. We've gotten closer recently but he said something that upset me a bit and made me feel guilty for being depressed (he didn't mean it in a bad way, it just upset me). I feel like I'm more depressed now.

I tried reaching out to my school's counseling center, but I just have the impression that they're belittling me, and I was unable to truthfully discuss my issues to the fullest extent. I don't even know how to start a conversation about this to anyone. I've been in a near constant state of panic for like a month now. The counselor said she would reach out to me via email, but I've been ignoring it for a couple of days. I can't see a point to it.

Now I just feel more useless and stupid. My classes this semester are so easy but they're still draining me. I don't know what to do. My relationship with my parents is getting worse, too. I'm just tired. I found journal entries I wrote during my freshman year, and my psychological state is the exact same now as it was then. A lot of bad things happened then, I had anxiety so bad I skipped a whole week of mandatory in-person classes and skipped my final exams. I feel so worthless and stagnant. Lately I've just been living inside my head, but even then, I struggle to have positive thoughts. Instead of making up happy scenarios, I catastrophize until I start crying or hyperventilating. I don't have anyone to talk to about this.