Ey, should I transfer or cope nalang?
SHS Carolinians, SHS CDUcians, SHS UC students may reply hereee <3 I'd like to hear more from you guys!
Okay, so I'm currently a freshie student in CDU (Cebu Doc) for SHS (STEM 11). Recently, my mental health deteriorated because of how many times I had to complete my works and had to deal with a few teachers whom I have a feeling they probably dislike me. Apparently, I feel a little alone since I had to concentrate on my studies and gave not much room for a social life. It made my relationship with a friend a bit worse and she assumed that I disliked the whole class and even our friend group just because I don't talk much or don't interact much. Since I'm a very sensitive person, I took it to heart and it made my self-esteem very low. I didn't want to open up much to everyone in my friend group because I don't want them to pity me right after seeing me in person if you know what I mean. I didn't want to give any negative energy from the group, that's why I keep my problems to myself because they uncomfy to talk about and they are quite serious.....
The mix of academic and social pressure made me feel like shit almost everyday (plus having the need to wake up very early to study and get ready for school and commute). CDU has been my dream school ever since last year and worked VERY hard to get the scholarship. But then..... I felt like I lost my spark and ingenuity once I transferred because I feel so....mediocre and not special compared to my class.....
That's when I thought about transferring schools for second semester and thought about either going to USC or UC because of the following reasons:
Lesser amount in tuition. CDU is crazy expensive and my parents aren't rich (but we can have a comfy life), that's why I worked so hard for the scholarship last year. I heard USC and UC have tuition amounts that are manageable for me and my parents. Not excelling suddenly and having them pay hefty amounts for me makes me feel like I'm doing a disservice to them.
UC is nearer to where I live.
I can meet my old friends again from my JHS years. Most are planning to go either USC or UC for college. I miss them a whole lot! Especially when doing group projects or group studies with them.
CDU feels like a cage sometimes. While my classmates excelled effortlessly, I struggled and scored way less than them (even more than I expected, I can recount one time when I saw that I didn't have a 95+ score in an English exam and it was my favorite subject since JHS. I didn't eat for a week and I was in a state of mental health decline.) One time, I put so much effort into designing a project but ended up getting an 88 in that subject I was doing the performance task for.
I feel like I don't seem to be valued as a student here. My performance tasks were never praised by my teachers no matter how much effort I put into them and they would often prefer the same student almost every time from my class. I felt like I didn't deserve the scholarship at all...... Heck, I don't even think that I'm even considered a 'true scholar' in my teachers' eyes. I don't want to keep comparing myself but it's hard! I can't study because of these thoughts.......
So, yeah, I wonder if it's possible to transfer to USC or UC for second semester. If not, I'll probably return to my old school for senior high and then transfer for college after a gap year. I know I should be doing my research proposal, but I feel so drained these days......
I'd like to hear perspectives from SHS Carolinians, CDUcians, and UC students reading this post. What would you all do in my position?