Difficulty in marriage due to Husbands addiction

So to start off when we married he told me he USE to have an addiction to adult videos and self pleasure. He said he no longer did and he was good now. I believed him and the first two years of marriage were rough I mean we were happy but he would get so mad at me over things that seemed silly. I would catch him lying to me about dumb things like where he was and what he was doing. Things that didn’t matter because the truth didn’t upset me. Example: He’d lie and tell me he was going to therapy but actually he went to a gun range to hang out completely alone and shoot targets. I wouldn’t have cared if he’d told me he was going to the range so I don’t know why he lied.

We both went into the marriage with the ideas of it being a Godly marriage and open communication and all the good stuff we had therapy/counseling and those super important talks about kids life and marriage.

We had been friends for 12 years prior to marriage we’d originally met back in college at a Christian university.

So I thought everything was going well until. We started trying to have a baby. One day I happen to grab his phone instead of my own and my whole world crashed around me. I found so much adult content and videos. He normally deleted these because I regularly handled his phone for different things (he always claimed he wasn’t tech savvy so he’d have me fix things for him) but this time he’d left it beside me and I’d decided to be a good wife and update his phone to the new IOS 18 and yeah world shattered.

I asked him about it and he denied it so I showed him proof on his own phone and told him I knew he was gaslighting me. He then admitted to it and he swore he would stop. That was six months ago and we have had about 10-15 different times of me finding out he is still looking at other women commenting on their photos or videos and self pleasuring to them. Then last night he told me he never found me attractive and I asked him a question I had been avoiding for the last six months.

When we were intimate he always closes his eyes and I knew deep down he was imaging other women but I never asked until last night and he admitted it. He thinks of other women when we are together as husband and wife. The only time he initiates is when he is turned on by other women.

I don’t want a divorce I want to work this out but I don’t know if it’s possible. I am in another group specifically for PA/SA and their spouses and everyone there tells me to leave him. I wanted to have a Christian’s POV. We are looking at buying a house and he is the main money source while I do work it’s not enough to get a house if he leaves me.

Also I told him last night to either be able to love me and only me or divorce me because I deserve to have my husband love me properly.

He’s reply was “I won’t divorce you today.”

Which made me believe he thinks he probably will divorce me.

I need advice please!!!!

Little bit of information: Married two and a half years

We both are on our second marriage. His first ended for these same reasons but he told me and swore to me he and learned his lesson. My first ended when my husband came out gay and was cheating on me with men.

We have been in therapy together and separately before marriage and after marriage and after the first time I found him commenting and talking to these women. He has apps on his phone and everything but he finds ways around them to look and talk… I have done everything I can on my end I have tried to be understanding and helpful and patient but he just keeps hurting me, lying to me and actively wanting other women.