Concept of money as gifts in Chinese rural families?

Hi Reddit. I feel very confused. Could you help me with context?

I’ve mainly grown up in Europe. My father was a business man in China in the 90s and given the context of the economy and his hard work, he had access to some investment in real estate state, which has since grown in value.

Since a few years who I started reconnecting with his part of the family. At first it was friendly - almost too friendly. I brought gifts like nice wines from my side and my aunties and uncles took me and my European partner to nice restaurants, with the larger family present. We didn’t think much of it.

Our wedding is approaching, and after inviting them, the issue of money came up. Our wedding will be in a big city where my mother is from. And the cultural code there is that you just bring a Hong bao to cover the meal cost and then whatever more amount comes on top according to how close the families are. I told our family on my father’s side just come and the amount of money doesn’t matter much.

But they were very straight forward in saying that they expect money exchange (or being taken care of on trips abroad for those that want it), if we are to keep a relationship. This is after my father has sponsored some of them for surgeries and school in the past. They basically say that they expect me to do it too. This is mainly the argument of my uncle who is the oldest male son in the family and he has the role to speak for the rest of the family, so he expects that the rest of the family also skip our wedding if we cannot accept his decision. The reason they required it from my dad, they say, is that the family helped him achieve his education to the extend that my uncle could not go to school and stayed home to take care of their parents.

For context this family resides in Hebei province. There is no doubt that they lived in harsh conditions in the 90s - 2000s. With chinas rising economy life has improved a lot for them in the past ten years.

Is what I describe common in rural families?