Does romantic stuff ever get “normal”?

I’ve healed so much and I’m so proud of my progress. Sober for some time and just about every aspect of my life is better than it ever has been. But I have avoided dating out of fear. Fear of who I become, who others are, what I am capable of and what they are. And now I’m dipping my toe back in and it’s so painful.

I feel so abnormal. I am drawn to the worst people for me. It feels like the less someone is able to show up and treat me lovingly the more interesting I find them. Someone’s mean to me? Time to develop a drug-like obsession with them that leaves me depressed and exhausted. I tend strongly in the “earn your worth” direction — as in I don’t feel like I’m allowed anywhere without overdoing for others — and even though I know now that it just makes me seem desperate and attracts the wrong type of person, I still feel trapped in it.

I am so, so emotionally affected by others. They bring me so much pain. But of course I want romantic experiences. I feel irreparably broken in this respect.

How did you heal from this? Do you have success in the romance department? What works?