How

5 plus years of the first steps into adulthood I’ve been one with my soulmate, we were so in love.. everything was just right, our mind, body, and soul were like the same person but so attracted to each other. I had never experienced love like this, like I was a king and she was a god, just as soon as things were perfect everything fell apart in one single day.. we got screwed over by life and she lost people in her life near and dear to her, she went through so much and I was there for her every step of the way, even when everyone else was nowhere to be seen.. I struggled so hard, I was so dedicated and never gave up, but I should’ve seen long ago when she started pushing me away, slowly… but never enough to drive me away, like I was tethered to her I was her fucking reason, I saved her life several times, to get her through her struggles was my only goal. Things began to settle… we could focus on healing but instead she let me loose right when I needed her the most.. right before the holidays, before Valentine’s Day and my birthday, gone and ghosted like I didn’t exist like my efforts were merely a job she tasked me. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to have kids, have a place we could call home, I wanted to do for her, and give her everything, and now I feel as if I never mattered in the first place.. I die everyday, sometimes I just put on my music and daze off into a void not realizing I just sat in my car for 3 hours. Nothing makes sense, at this point music has been the only thing that’s made sense. Everyday is a blur I just don’t see the point of doing the same thing over and over again, everyone says “there’s always someone out there for you” YEAH!! SHE WAS THE ONE… look where that got me. I just don’t know how one day you could go from being someone’s everything, and not just that but being engaged to this person… to over a single night, practically never seeing this person again… how tf do people even fathom the idea of moving on and risk the same old shit with someone who could do the exact same thing 5 years down the line. How does anyone do it again. I don’t think I could invite another person into my heart because I think that shits just not even capable of that anymore. I’m sorry for how poorly this is written, I haven’t slept much and my head is foggy, I hope someone can understand..