I hurt my sweet ex

Idrk what the correct subreddit for this is, I just wanna vent. So if im in the wrong subreddit please tell me which one is the right one for this

Idk where to start. Okay so around like 23rd October i got on roblox vc and i found this girl and we kinda talked for a while and we were vibing, so after a bit we added eacho ther and she asked for my instagram and we started talking.

It was really nice tbh, i used to think like how she's so kind and sweet and caring and she was such a warm and a friendly person. We used to play roblox together at first and i started to notice she kinda hits on me sometimes and gives hints and i used to give some too cuz like i kinda wanted her subconsciously. Anyways im just stalling im sorry so like mid november i just i asked her when she started liking me and she said idk it just happened so after that we started dating (All of this occured online, we never met and ik e dating its like lame but it was real to me and her).

So at first it was really nice and i was SOOOO HAPPY she made me really happy and she was like a ray of sunshine in my life. I just loved her personality and she was GORGEOUS, absolutely stunning.

I believe the problem started when i realized that i still wasn't over my ex. We broke up on 11th february, she was what you could call my first ever love.

And with the current gf i had at that time, I used to sometimes compare her to my ex without knowing how deeply it actually effects the other girl cuz to me i used to mentioned my ex like she wouldn't do this with me and i compared her in a way which showed that my gf was way better than my ex and i meant it but i guess i was will comparing and it was REALLY shitty of me, i know.

There were times we used to dirty talk too and it was greattt but she used to say that i don't wanna be like those couples who are like freaky all the time and i noted that and kept it less but whenever i used to start the dirty talk she would always reciprocate. There used to be times where i used to feel guilty for talking dirty because i was really scared that she would think that thats all i wanted from her but i promise i didnt. We even sent eachother sensitive pictures (ifykwim) and yes i ALWAYS used to make sure that she was fine with sending them and she always said yes and she wants to make me happy and do this for me so i was like alright that's great.

But idk what happened.. I slowly started to lose feelings around 2 months later and i did not know why it was happening, i used to think to myself that why am i losing feelings she's absolutely perfect.

One day she noticed it cuz i was being dry and we had this long talk and i tried to explain to her that i honestly dont know why this is happening, i asked a friend and he suggested we take a break because the truth is that we used to talk 24/7 and she was quite clingy, so clingy that i always felt bad for leaving her to go to sleep because she would let me go but as time passed i didn't care because it was honestly getting annoying, so we took a break and we lasted 2 days and we started talking again and it was nice for a while, everything was back to normal. Then one day she said that i dont compliment her as much as i used to before and she was right...i didn't and i apologized and told her that i will try to be better.

(Also im so sorry that this is lasting so long i just dont know what to do anymore)

Another issue was that before my gf i was in this talking stage with a girl who i used to be friends with but we kind of just fell apart romantically, we are still friends but not like flirting and stuff. So i told my gf about the girl and she had a problem with it because i didn't tell the girl that i had a gf, i didnt tell the girl because i was trying to protect her feelings and not hurt her too but i didn't realize it was hurting my gf.

I never got around to tell the girl about my gf as we had already broken up till then.

We basically broke up around 6 days ago and it was pretty ugly. She just thought we could still fix this relationship if we both want it enough but i just....had enough. I decided that i wasn't right and good for her and she deserved way better so....we broke up.

And im aware that i was a really shitty person but i honestly, from the bottom of my heart never meant for this to happen, i NEVER wanted to hurt her.

Anyways yesterday a guy friend of hers texted me where he called me out for basically being a disgusting pervert he only wanted her for her body and to get over my ex but..that's not me but idk the way he said, "You're a disgusting lustful pervert who's immature asf", idk it just stuck with me and i just question myself about what i've done.

Anyways yeah im done, im really sorry for the people who have to read this

P.S ik some of you are probably going to say it's just an online relationship and its not that deep. It is deep