Want to get back on meds

I have been off meds for a year. I was on 7 medications daily and I struggled so much to keep up with them and I also was living out of my car and going state to state so I couldn’t keep up with my appointments for my program. I just got a new job so I’ll have health insurance and hopefully can go to a doctor and maybe they’ll put me on just one or two pills instead of 7. I just know at the rate I’m going I’m going to hurt someone or myself and I’ve already hurt people I’m just scared it’ll turn into violence. I thought I was doing so good and I didn’t need them and then I crashed. I’m ready to get back on them but I’m also nervous for the adjustment periods and don’t want to be a shell of myself