Nurse accidentally told me gender at 41W

How it happened: I was doing a routine blood pressure test and heart rate check with a new girl who wasn’t the typical nurse for my OB. She asked the gender and I said we were waiting. She said she had to know and went to go look at the chart even though I said please do not and that I want no clues. After the checkup, she said “She passed. Her heart rate looks good!” I literally exclaimed “Oh no!! Why did you do that?!” and she replied “He or she! He or she!” And literally kept repeating that as I walked out of the room.

Aftermath: I’m due to go into labor at any moment and now I feel devastated that it happened. I’m hiding the incident from my husband since I don’t want to ruin it for him but it’s eating me up. I’m also spiraling since I reacted negatively to which gender she said which surprised me.

I thought I had no preference but clearly I do and now the baby is coming at any time (literally having early contractions as I type) and I feel like crap and guilty and down we go. Thoughts like “Damnit my husband and family all thought it was a boy and that would’ve been better.” “I’m letting them down.” “Oh no I pictured a cute little boy playing sports with his dad.” “The family name”… useless thoughts I can’t get out of my head!!! I literally thought I was fine with either and my husband has repeatedly told me he is excited either way. How in the world am I having these ridiculously useless thoughts? I’m a girl who played sports with her dad. My dad loves me like crazy. The guy determines the gender. It’s ruining what is supposed to be the most exciting time. Go away thoughts!

For team green people - tell every darned person in the building at every appointment to not tell you the gender. It’s literally the best thing … until they slip up.

EDIT: Wow. You all are amazing thank you for all the support. I was most upset that these thoughts are even a thing especially at a time when the baby is about to be born. It makes me feel superficial and like I’m not going to be a good mother if this is the stuff I’m thinking about just prior to having a child. I’m so lucky to even be able to have a child and the most important thing to hope for is their health of course… but I guess our minds can play cruel games with us. The thoughts are diminishing. Thank you all 🙏

UPDATE: It’s a girl! She is absolutely lovely. We are lucky beyond belief to have a healthy baby and she is perfect.