Does it make you feel better to know that they can’t help it?

In the same way you don’t hold a child to the same standard as an adult.

My exwBPD looks normal, and often acts normal. But she is not normal. She’s not ok. When things are going well and her emotions aren’t running the show she is intelligent, funny, and capable. When we were together, I perceived of her and treated her as I would a normal person. Looking back with my new awareness of BPD, I realize that her reactive behavior was not consciously chosen—it was a product of her disorder. She literally can’t help it, at least not until she becomes self-aware enough to get diagnosed and seek treatment.

Does it help you to know that they are different from you? That the way they treat you is because of a fundamental brokenness?