Changing me into someone I'm not

Hello friends. Been a while. Been trying to cope with the realization that I just need to move on. 😩 anyways, I've realized that I'm no longer the patient, loving, kind, person I always have been. I'm rarely angry or lose my cool. But something hit me today. I'm beginning to act like him. The gaslight, the excuses, fits of rage, constant unhappy. Even towards my kids. This is NOT me. How in the fuck does this happen? How does one start to turn into the one that is abusing his wife and kids? I'm sick to my stomach. This man has literally changed my chemistry so much, that I'm behaving at times, the exact way he is. Not cool.