My boyfriend of 2 years ghosted me

I just need reassurance that I’m going to be ok.

He was the sweetest and kindest most tolerable person. He was not abusive or manipulative. That was all me. I was the one who would have screaming fits and spew insults and threaten self harm. Yet he was the one always apologising. I watched him turn into a bitter and mean person BECAUSE of me. I got help and was genuinely doing better and we were on good terms for a few months. After an amazing and wonderful weekend getaway trip, I flew back home.

He dropped me off at the airport when I went back home to visit family 3 months ago and told me he would call me when I landed. He never did. I called him every day begging him to pick up. Last night, I was messaged by his new girlfriend that he wants me to stop calling him and that I need to let it go.

I’m just sad and heartbroken that he didn’t tell me himself that he’s ending things and needs out. I’m sad that he led me to believed that he was going to call me and then just got a new girlfriend in the middle of all of it

I’m trying really hard to empathise with his situation and understand but I can’t. I was doing better. Ghosting is my #1 trigger and I never expected it to happen especially given our history and long term relationship.

His girlfriend was really sweet and told me she needs me to move on and let go and that it’s not her business to deliver messages between us. I told her I respected that.

I feel sick to my stomach and like a brick hit me. A part of me is glad he’s moved on and isn’t isolating himself anymore but another part of me hates him and wants to scream at him and I’m torn between taking the high road and acting on my emotions.

How do you guys cope when this happens?

I’m 21 and this was my second relationship that ended due to my BPD