Learning about them gives you a fake sense of control

… and an explanation to all things you never get an answer to. I’ll be honest and say I looked out for small things to confirm the DA and it was textbook phrases all along. It gives you some comfort to see that you arent mad. It helped me too detach and I shut down a lot of my emotions.

BUT.

Here you are during the longest NC you have had and even if you know why and how and ended it the best way you could, you are still sad. You all of a sudden get feelings again and you realize…

This- it’s not what you wanted. You never got what you wanted.

You were hoping all along. So now, you just want to sleep.