Mom skewed my chance at diagnosis

This is my first post. Sorry it’s so long. Any advice would be appreciated. I’m currently 21 F. All my life I’ve felt like I wasn’t human or just wasn’t the same kind of human as everyone else. From 14-18 I was misdiagnosed with bpd, depression, bipolar 1 and 2. Finally at 19 I was diagnosed with combination adhd.

Once medicated, I started realizing how much my behaviors matched up with being a highly masked autistic girl. I researched how to get my insurance to cover an assessment. It took me 6 months to get a referral and another 6 months to get a neuropsychological evaluation. My psychiatrist was convinced I would be diagnosed easily. After the 4 hour evaluation I was more convinced than ever that I am autistic.

And then I made the mistake of giving the doctor my mom’s number to contact for the “outside perspective”. Looking at the report is very disappointing. All signs point to me being autistic. And then at the end of each part it says “does not meet criteria enough for diagnosis(source: parent interview)”. I forgot how much my parents ignored me. How little they understood and remembered my meltdowns, the fact that I cried for hours at the dinner table over 4 pieces of mushy broccoli, the fact that I didn’t talk to anyone outside our family until I was 4. They don’t remember taking me to a therapist at 7 bc I was so scared and mean all the time I would have screaming matches with my mom or sleep under their bed bc I was worried they’d get hurt. How do they not remember me being taken to a hospital by my high school SRO’s and almost dropping out of school after I was a gifted student until sophomore year?

My raads score is 149. The doctor told me I had too much overlap in my adhd symptoms, anxiety and depression symptoms, and autistic symptoms that she would not diagnose me autistic. And to come back in 2-3 years to be retested but to try ABA first and to “get more sleep”. I had very explicitly expressed that I was highly masked and wasn’t sure how to unmask. I am so upset and frustrated and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t truly understand myself if I don’t know what is going on. Am I autistic? Do I just have some messed up version of adhd? I can’t keep second guessing myself. I’m so disappointed.

Yes I know a diagnosis won’t change anything about me. But it gives me reassurance that I’m not crazy or overthinking about how I have been treated/have behaved throughout my life.