Childfree

I’m 35 and in my heart, I think, I don’t want kids. But the reality the biological clock is ticking. So I feel pressured by that to make a decision. I’ve had body image issues my whole life. I’m finally at a weight where I feel comfortable in my skin. Me and my husband are both 35. We got married 1.5 years ago. So we are “late bloomers” compared to our friends who got married younger and had more time without kids. I’m scared about postpartum because my mental health is already fragile. I’m on meds etc and doing ok but I have depression and anxiety. I feel like kids would not be a good fit for us, he agrees. I think a part of me believes he’s open to either way but okay saying no to kids for my mental health. I hear pregnancy is traumatic. Kids are expensive. My nephews are a nightmare. Mind you, that could be their “parenting”. But then I also find myself wondering every.. single.. day… about kids. Like what if I regret not having them? What if we are lonesome when we are older and wish we had kids? What if what if. Also, thinking about death too… like who will we leave our money and assets to? We will have an ample amount to leave. I’m just confused. Because there are moments where I see a baby and I think that would be nice. We have 3 dogs and 2 cats and they are everything to us. It’s more common these days to not have kids. Lots of millennials aren’t. Any perspective or advice, TIA