32 yo Neurodivergent Dude Asking for Advice

Hey all,
Happy New Year. Figured I would reach out as I was in some need of advice/support. I’m a 32-year-old neurospicy gay man, and I’m looking for advice on relationships and personal growth. I’ve worked hard to build a good life for myself—I’m currently an OT specializing in pediatrics. I stay active with things like running, biking, skiing, and hiking, and I’m passionate about learning, nature, and history and love travel, gardening, and similar hobbies.

Despite that, I’ve always struggled with loneliness, fitting in, depression, and finding the right partner. I’m autistic and have ADHD (official diagnoses given a few years ago), which in hindsight have impacted my ability to connect deeply with others. I also have some personal challenges stemming from childhood trauma and bullying, including low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, various insecurities, and executive dysfunction. One of the things I’m working on is not being overly fixated on specific physical traits in a partner (like athleticism, temperament, intelligence, and appearance) because I know it has limited me, but it’s been tough to change that mindset. I also get very frustrated as I often feel invisible to the guys I wish to get to know more, and can't understand why I am frequently overlooked as I am tall, handsome, intelligent, well-educated, and unique (don't mean to sound entitled, have definitely been working on this too). I have had many hookups over the years, but few dating opportunities longer than a few weeks and one "relationship" that lasted 6 months and was rather one-sided. Altogether, my efforts have been for over a decade with little to no success.

I also find that I may hyperfocus on the idea of finding "the one," which leaves me feeling stuck and frustrated. I try to open my mind to dating more people but all too often feel like I end up leading them on which may end badly, with burned bridges. This contributes to reduced self esteem and hope in my ability to find a healthy relationship even more. I also struggle with focusing on building and maintaining more friendships in my life versus focus on finding this elusive long term relationship, as I have this emotional fixation on that and struggle being alone with my thoughts for too long lol. I’d love some practical advice on how to approach dating in a healthier way, without giving up altogether, and how to maintain personal growth without feeling overwhelmed or stagnant.

Thanks in advance for any advice or perspective. It really means a lot!