PLEASE HELP!!! heavily drinking 9 weeks pregnant :(

28F… I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks, went to the doctors and took some blood work and an ultrasound. When the results came in, the doctor told me they couldn’t find a baby and that I’m either actively going through a miscarriage or the baby is growing outside of where it’s supposed to. He ordered me to wait a 2 weeks and take more tests. In that time, I really believed that I was either actively going through a miscarriage or the baby has to be removed because of where it’s growing that I went into a depression and started drinking. I had three nights where I drank a couple beers and took a few shots.

When I went back for that ultrasound appointment…. There was my baby, healthy heartbeat and all. Now I’m 10 weeks and 2 days and I feel guilty as hell. This would be my 3rd child and my 2nd is diagnosed severely autistic so I’m worried my 3rd child would have fetal alcohol syndrome for my careless acts. I’m soooooo depressed and I really don’t want to have an abortion but I really can’t take this guilt of possibly harming my child for life. I don’t know what to do. I have yet to even seen by the midwife I applied for, still waiting to hear back from someone so I’m just lost at the moment…