AIO my boyfriend thinks im a control freak
My (31f) and bf (30m) fights over his overclingy friend for over two years now. I admit at first I get jealous easily over everything but I learned and still learning how to control it. I let them hangout when he asks to but I hate it because it seems routinely for them to see each other atleast thrice a week. I feel like I have to adjust for the friend every weekend coz when me and my partner dont have plans or just wanna chill out at home, the friend will always call, and he’s always on the go. I have to adjust holiday plans because he feels bad for this friend that he is going to be alone.
They have to depend on each other for smokes and greens. My partner takes it against me that I go home late every weekday but it’s because I’m working. He works from 4am-2pm all he does after his work is play gaming (not a hard gamer) or smoke greens instead of hustling with me.
Background: this friend has no other friends, doesnt want to reach out to his family, trouble maker and lazy af. The friend a good person to me but all they do is to smoke greens when they hangout. One time he got into trouble, my bf has to lend him 800 bucks and ended up he had nothing for the week and I had to cover for him for the week. My bf is a good friend to everyone and a nice person to the people who is nice to him, but I feel like he is not a good provider and a good partner to me.
Now, everytime we fight about his friend, he verbally abuse me with all the words you can think about but I feel like it’s all the fights and repeated and never ending arguments that’s why he’s like that.. because I cant accept the kind of relationship he has with his friend. My anger towards his friend keeps on growing because of how my bf treats me when we fight over him. My bf always threatens to leave just when I want to voice my opinions. Even when not stopping him to see this friend, there are so many times he assumes I will get mad so it’s like he thinks he has no control with his time. But all I want is for him not to be like that, not bring up the fights we had over his friend and trust that I will not be mad
I let him do his own thing
I wasnt okay with him watching prn (hard weirdest prn) but now I assured him he can. Even when he already finished watching during the day I’m not yet home, he is not feeling having sex with me anymore, I’m all fine with it. I know when he’s done he’s done. It’s not about getting attracted with me when he’s done it. He just really a one-round-for-the-day kind of person.
He was an addict before he met me. This is another huge story I know. The drug addiction is connected to the p*rn. When he’s on it, he watches it STRAIGHT for atleast 10 hours and would entirely ignore me in the other room. The span of trying to stop him doing it, he would just sneak out in the middle of the night. God knows how I tried to chase him. He even said no one even his mom has ever tried to stopped him, he was willingly wanted to break up so I tried a different way on how to treat relapses. Now, he asks permission to me atleast every three months, we do it together (I’m occassional user even before I met him but im not addicted to it I can live without it and believe me that I have full control of myself when Im on it). I let him stay in the other room until he comes down
So I dont understand why I’m controlling. I get that he doesnt see the things I do for him when he’s mad. It’s just this friend that we can’t really resolve. Btw he has no toxic attitude towards me when he’s not mad. He is lazy though and has little ambitions he is always paycheck to paycheck. I just wish he would do more productive during his free time something that can contribute to our future rather than smoking greens with his friend on his free time.
He thinks by living together I get most of his time.
AIO?