Am I Overreacting or Is My Boyfriend Defending His Lesbian Best Friend Over Me?
My boyfriend has a lesbian friend that he’s been close with for a while. Over the summer, I started getting closer to her too, and when my boyfriend couldn’t take a part-time job with me, I invited her to work the job instead since she was looking for work. We worked 3-11 PM shifts together, and honestly, that’s when I started to feel really uncomfortable about her behavior.
At the beginning of one shift, I checked my phone to see if my boyfriend (let’s call him Liam) had texted me, and she leaned over and said, “Why are you texting Liam?” I casually replied, “Oh, just checking if he said anything,” and she responded, “You guys should’ve ended a long time ago.” That comment really annoyed me, but I tried to brush it off as her dry humor.
As the night went on, though, she kept making weird and inappropriate remarks. For example, she said, “Oh, my type is Liam’s hair and skin color, but as a girl.” I didn’t even know how to respond—what does that have to do with me? She also repeatedly said, “I’m going to steal your man,” at least five times during the shift, in completely random situations.
One of the strangest things she did was shove her vape in my face, saying, “Take it, take it, I won’t tell your boyfriend.” This went on for 10 minutes, and when I finally said, “You’re literally pressuring me,” she just laughed. She also started talking about how she’d sleep with a man if she were drunk, but only if he was “big.” Then she turned to me and asked, “Is Liam big?” before laughing. It was so uncomfortable and weird.
The thing that hurt me the most, though, was when I made a comment like, “It would be weird if you and Liam were really close and you were straight,” and she snapped back, calling me toxic and giving me a dirty look. At that point, I felt completely disrespected, and I didn’t know why she thought it was okay to talk to me this way.
After that shift, I told my boyfriend about her behavior and how uncomfortable it made me. I asked him if he could either distance himself from her or at least stop texting or interacting with her so much. To me, it felt like a reasonable request because she disrespected me and spoke about him inappropriately to my face.
Instead of understanding my feelings, though, he dismissed them and kept saying she’s “a really good friend.” He made it seem like I was overreacting, which really hurt me. It feels like he’s more concerned about their friendship than about how her behavior made me feel.
Out of frustration one day, I took his phone and blocked her. Now he wants me to unblock her and keeps saying things like, “She’s been really nice to me,” which just makes me feel worse. He keeps defending her and acting like I’m the one in the wrong. He even told me to “squash the beef,” as if I’m being dramatic.
At this point, it feels like he’s willing to risk losing me just to keep her around. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I feel like my feelings are completely invalidated, and I’m honestly starting to feel insecure about their relationship.
Do you think she could be attracted to him, or is she just someone who loves male attention even though she’s a lesbian? Am I overreacting for wanting him to set boundaries after the way she treated me? I’m trying my hardest not to feel jealous or petty, but I’m struggling.
My boyfriend has a lesbian friend that he’s been close with for a while. Over the summer, I started getting closer to her too, and when my boyfriend couldn’t take a part-time job with me, I invited her to work the job instead since she was looking for work. We worked 3-11 PM shifts together, and honestly, that’s when I started to feel really uncomfortable about her behavior.
At the beginning of one shift, I checked my phone to see if my boyfriend (let’s call him Liam) had texted me, and she leaned over and said, “Why are you texting Liam?” I casually replied, “Oh, just checking if he said anything,” and she responded, “You guys should’ve ended a long time ago.” That comment really annoyed me, but I tried to brush it off as her dry humor.
As the night went on, though, she kept making weird and inappropriate remarks. For example, she said, “Oh, my type is Liam’s hair and skin color, but as a girl.” I didn’t even know how to respond—what does that have to do with me? She also repeatedly said, “I’m going to steal your man,” at least five times during the shift, in completely random situations.
One of the strangest things she did was shove her vape in my face, saying, “Take it, take it, I won’t tell your boyfriend.” This went on for 10 minutes, and when I finally said, “You’re literally pressuring me,” she just laughed. She also started talking about how she’d sleep with a man if she were drunk, but only if he was “big.” Then she turned to me and asked, “Is Liam big?” before laughing. It was so uncomfortable and weird.
The thing that hurt me the most, though, was when I made a comment like, “It would be weird if you and Liam were really close and you were straight,” and she snapped back, calling me toxic and giving me a dirty look. At that point, I felt completely disrespected, and I didn’t know why she thought it was okay to talk to me this way.
After that shift, I told my boyfriend about her behavior and how uncomfortable it made me. I asked him if he could either distance himself from her or at least stop texting or interacting with her so much. To me, it felt like a reasonable request because she disrespected me and spoke about him inappropriately to my face.
Instead of understanding my feelings, though, he dismissed them and kept saying she’s “a really good friend.” He made it seem like I was overreacting, which really hurt me. It feels like he’s more concerned about their friendship than about how her behavior made me feel.
Out of frustration one day, I took his phone and blocked her. Now he wants me to unblock her and keeps saying things like, “She’s been really nice to me,” which just makes me feel worse. He keeps defending her and acting like I’m the one in the wrong. He even told me to “squash the beef,” as if I’m being dramatic.
At this point, it feels like he’s willing to risk losing me just to keep her around. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I feel like my feelings are completely invalidated, and I’m honestly starting to feel insecure about their relationship.
Do you think she could be attracted to him, or is she just someone who loves male attention even though she’s a lesbian? Am I overreacting for wanting him to set boundaries after the way she treated me? I’m trying my hardest not to feel jealous or petty, but I’m struggling.