AIO - My wife's sisters husband slaps my wife's butt.
Apologies in advance for any spelling/grammer errors. We've been pregaming the new year. TLDR at the bottom.
Just finished typing this whole thing out, holy hell I'm sorry if you read the whole thing through. 😂
So my wife (35F) and myself (28M) have been together for 8 years, married for 5. We are both very happy and share the same opinion on almost everything.
The issue started in 2019 when we went to visit her sister (A) and her husband (B). I will preface this by saying I am a very standoffish man at first but as soon as I get to know anyone, I am become very kind and loving. This was the first time meeting them for me and I immediately fell in love with them as future family. A & B were amazing hosts, great to talk to and very welcoming to me and B shared alot of the same interests such as golf, football, just general dude stuff.
Later in that visit, after some drinks had been had we were in the back yard hitting golf balls with the wifes and just talking about life plans when seemingly out of know where, B slapped my wifes ass. Which absolutely floored me. I got insanely pissed and had to walk away because I didn't want to beat the brakes of a family member. I said I needed to go inside and I went to a room to chill out. Shortly after my wife walked in and said she seen my face and knew I was pissed. Told me it was just in good fun and it means nothing. I explained to her why it made me mad, I said it's just a brother in law smacking his wifes little sisters butt in front of his wife was very weird to me and I don't like it. She again said it's fine and try to ignore it. So I did.
Over the last couple years, I kept noticing little small things he would do or say around her that would still piss me off, but I was told it's normal, so calm down. So I'd just be pissed off in silence.
Fast forward to 3 nights ago. We are around the entire family and just had a fun night out with the whole family. My wife is going to get a bottle of water from the fridge and he randomly steps back, pats her butt and walks away. I see it, my wife sees that I see it and she knew I was fuming again. The difference this time, is my wife wasn't laughing it off. I could see she wasn't comfortable. Which pisses me off even more and I know something needs to be done. I don't wanna start this with their entire family around so I figure I'll handle it when we start to leave and not as many people are around. I don't wanna ruin the holidays for their whole family as they haven't been fully together in I think a decade. A&B end up riding home with my wifes mom and dad before I catch up to him and they are gone.
I take my wife to our car and as soon as the doors close, she breaks the fuck down. She says she wants to talk to A about it and how it's always made her uncomfortable but she just never wanted to say anything because it would be awkward. She said she wishes she would have just let me handle it thr first time and starts apologizing to me for not allowing me to feel the way I felt about the whole situation. I tell her it's not her fault, I understand and that if we are on the same page now, I'm gonna talk to him. This weird crap ends and I'm gonna talk to him. I ask to make sure he's never tried anything more and she confirms that it's just been butt slaps and weird comments about her body or a sex joke slightly directed at her.
The following day we are back at a bar with her whole family because they have events for kids and whatnot and I talk to him outside. I tell him from the first time he did it to the last, I've wanted to rip his head off because that's fucking weird to touch his wifes little sister on the butt. He says he's only ever meant it as a "good game" kinda thing and that's just how their friends are around each other. I tell him I don't care, my wife was crying saying how she feels violated and gross being touched by you. Touch my wife again and I'll beat his ass.I tell him to apologize to his wife because it's disrespectful to her. He says it'll never happen again and we clink beer glasses and I say I know it won't.
Night goes on, I tell my wife that I talked to him and the problem is solved, if he does it again to tell me and I'll handle him. I noticed he says clear away from my wife but will still talk to me so I think the point was made. I noticed my wife was gone with the other wifes for a while and something clicked in my head that my wife was probably talking to her sister about the situation. Couple minutes later A walks to the bar looking mad and I ask her what's going on and she says "I think you know what's going on" I say yeah and to bring me to the bathroom so I can get my wife and talk to her. Somehow this ends up outside and my wife is yelling at B saying "why did you feel like you have to do that" and he kept saying "I'm sorry I made you feel that way".
Alot more really shitty things were said, at one point her sister told me it's a generational thing and I don't understand because my age. I say it isn't, it's my opinion it's weird and none of that matters because how my wife feels about it. She doesn't like it, so it's wrong. Doesn't matter how you guys are with your friends. This all comes to a head with her sister saying "you never said anything, so how are we supposed to know you don't like that". This absolutely floors my wife. More stuff was said but this is pretty much the end of the night. We all leave.
The next night my wife wants to talk to her sister about it without B around. She comes over and the 3 of us sit down.
My wife explained the other things he's done like grabbing her around the waist and pulling her to his side, the jokes, and other various things. Her sister immediately responded with the same "you never said anything, so how would we know" and that, their whole friend group does it so it's just normal to him. My wife talks about the first time in 2019 and her sister says that she remembers me looking absolutely pissed and she thought it was just me being jealous. Which absolutely pissed me off. I tell her, the words, brother in law and jealous shouldn't even exist in the same sentence. I say it pissed me off because it's weird and the fact that he did it behind his wife to her little sister is just creepy. She defends it with the same "our friends do it" and my wife says "why doesn't he smack anyone else's butt, or grab anyone else". Which is true, we've never seen him do it to anyone else, besides my wife. Her sister says he does it to alot of people, my wife asks who he does it to and she proceeds to list 5 chick's, by name and then after that says, oh and some boys.
To cap the whole night off her sister says the absolute worst take ive ever ever heard in my life. She compares it to rape saying "it's like being raped, if you never said no then how are they supposed to know" more and more they keep saying the same things and my wife ends it with saying I shouldn't have to tell my brother in law not to touch my butt. It made me uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if it's normal for yall, that doesn't make it ok for us. They hug as she leaves and her sister mutters out a "he thought yall were friends" and walks away for the final time.
Alot more to it, and im sorry for the giant mess of a mini story.
I should add that when my wife was talking to her sister about it initially, she said she started it by saying "hey, he's been doing these things and I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable and I want him to stop" to which her sister immediately just started defending him saying it's normal for them and blah blah blah. So even when she did say something, before the whole thing blew up. Her sister didn't even want to correct it, she just defended her husband.
TLDR: My wife's sister's husband slapped my wifes butt and other things, when confronted they defend it saying it's how they are with their friends and blame my wife for not saying something sooner.
Are we Overreacting to the situation? It's overall weird to touch family like that right? Especially the younger sister of your wife.