Lost spark of relationship

How should is say this... Have you experienced this feeling of nothing. Like the relationship with Q, when they try to be better and stay sober(but of course they are sober because they can't get to alcohol due to their job) Because so many times I have been betrayed, it almost feels like I'm the problem now. I don't play along like everything is great. I don't care to solve other relationship problems. I don't cheat or anything, but I simply don't have the capacity to be disappointed again, so I don't plan anything together. Now I feel like a insensitive human being. But then again the abuse that happens when Q drinks/uses has damaged me.

And I don't feel depressed. I am overall happy about everything else.

But that "This time will be different " I have heard many times. He thinks i have to be sweet and happy and cuddly and all lovely. And be tries to be sweet. Yet I cannot fake that.

I know I need therapy. But it's difficult to be excited about relationship again.