How to relax? 19F

When I had a bf, I would call him at the end of my busy day. It was like my little reward for doing all the things. I would feel so happy, fulfilled, and relaxed. It was pure heaven.

Now, I have no idea what to do. Every day, the stress and anger only compounds and never subsides.

• Any kind of activity is just stressful to me. This includes hobbies, games, video games, exercise, walking, meditating, showering, chores.
• Talking to friends/family is so draining.
• Eating makes me feel fat.
• Watching/Reading stuff makes me feel lazy, which makes me feel guilty.
• Sleeping isn't relaxing, it's just a time skip of a few hours
• Drinking makes me feel better, but only because I hate myself, so indulging in self-destructive behavior makes me happy. However, it's hard getting anything as a 19F in the US.
• Weed just turns off my emotions, but I don't feel better during nor after. Also, I hate the dry mouth.

Any suggestions? Also, I don't have the money for therapy.