Please explain

Can you guys please explain to me this trauma I've been hearing about regarding your adoption etc bc I've always seen all of you as the lucky ones....I was in an out of foster care for years until I turned 13 hired my own "capes" lawyer and terminated my mother's parental rights so I never had to go back to being victimized by her and my incredibly abusive stepdad.... and then foster care was a whole lot more trauma just different less of the physical and sexual more of the emotional and psychological etc etc....and every year my social worker would have some foster mom of mine make me get dressed up "for church" basically to make me go to the states open house adoption day and absolutely not a single person ever showed any real interests in me even being there let alone actually wanting anything to do with adopting my worthless ass and I was always so incredibly jealous of the little cute ones that everyone was fighting over to speak to etc and had waiting lists a mile long already but I was too old and angry and hateful I suppose by that point anyway..... and wanted someone to want me to be part of their family SOOOOO freaking badly it still hurts today and I'm damn near 40!!