Finishing month 6 and still purging quite heavily?

To preface, I’ve struggled with acne since I was nine years old. From ages 9 to 20, there was never a day in my life where my entire face and parts of my body weren’t covered in acne. It’s always been bad, but it’s always consisted of a range of different types of acne, not like the severe cystic acne that everyone usually considers the worst cases. It was bad enough that I was 12 years old when I got prescribed accutane, though for various reasons I didn’t take it properly and was discharged soon from the hospital I’d been treated at. It’s been persistent ever since, and though I actually managed to get my face somewhat clear for the first time in my life when I was 19, it came back after a few months. My body, too, became increasingly worse in the sense that it started spreading to every single corner. There was acne in places I didn’t even know was possible to get acne in.

My dermatologist prescribed me accutane again, 20mg daily for a month, which didn’t lead to any sort of changes on my skin, so she upped it to 40mg for months 2-5 and now I’m more than halfway through my sixth month with it having been upped to 50mg. I started purging halfway into month 2 and I’ve not stopped since. My acne has NEVER been this bad, my neck is somehow even worse, there are at least six MASSIVE spots that pop out more than an Adam’s apple would. Surely it cannot be normal for my purge to continue getting worse even after four and a half months of purging? I take fish oil pills, I take antihistamines, I’m trying to do everything right. I try to take it with as much fat as I can accommodate for in my calorie deficit at the minute. But it’s still so bad??? The pictures I’ve attached are pretty much how it’s been this entire time.

I’ve grown up with acne, I can’t imagine living without it because it’s been a constant companion for eleven years now. So obviously I got used to it, I got used to the comments, I grew thick skin and I very sincerely grew to love my face and my body. For the past few years, I’ve felt as if it wasn’t a detriment to my face at all. But come on… This is getting too much, and it’s actively disrupting my life. I can’t stand the idea of going out and having everyone point it out, they don’t even say it maliciously, but it still hurts.

I’ve always been such an avid supporter of accutane and I’ve never liked how the rare people who had bad experiences have always been the loudest about said experiences. I’ve always hated their fearmongering and how it’s probably deterred so many people who have been long suffering with acne, from taking accutane. That all being said, I wish I hadn’t taken it. Maybe things will improve but they say that this subreddit would obviously favour those who have had worse experiences and therefore congregated to discuss it, and yet I almost never see anyone who’s on month six and struggling like this. Even when people who’ve recently started accutane generally ask how long the purge lasts, 95% of the replies will say under four months.

Even if this does end up working eventually, surely it’ll leave so many scars on my face that I’d have been better off just not taking accutane and instead just hoping that I’d naturally get clear again like when I was 19… I don’t know, I know I’m being so pessimistic and stupid right now, but it just feels so awful ☹️☹️☹️☹️