Is this an adhd thing

So I’ve recently had a big realization about myself that’s left me very confused, I can’t seem to make myself think actively. Whenever I try to focus on a specific line of thought and expand on it it feels like a brick wall forms in my brain and just gives me a headache if I try to push past it. Whenever I play something I noticed I tend to go off of pure muscle memory and don’t think anything about it at all. And I think it’s been impacting my memory too because whenever I’m doing or listening to something my mental train of thought can’t focus on it at all and I wind up forgetting most things one way or another.

Is this like, normal? I’ve been diagnosed for years and years but I only had this realization about myself recently, and I when I’ve tried different adhd meds I don’t think I felt any different (albeit it has been almost a year since I last was), and that makes me frustrated because I don’t know how I can go about changing this. I don’t WANT to stay unable to think and I hate how shit my memory is and how much these limit me. Does anyone have advice on things I can do or try to help?