Are you upset with your parents for not recognizing your ADHD as a child?

I (43f) was just diagnosed with ADHD this year. I had never considered that I may have it until I was talking to my therapist about how I can’t remember anything and I have a hard time managing my life and always have.

Last night I was thinking about my whole childhood. ADHD presents differently in female children than males. Yes I could sit still at school and do my work, but I got in trouble for talking all the time. When puberty hit something in me snapped and my mom couldn’t control me. Risky behaviors, sneaking around, promiscuity, poor impulse control. It got really bad. My grades went in the toilet in high school. I had no interest in school except for the social aspect.

I’m upset that my mom didn’t try to figure out what was wrong with me. Obviously something was. If one of my kids went from being almost perfect to a hot mess I would seek intervention. Is it because there wasn’t as much information about ADHD? My mom passed away a year ago so I can’t ask her these things, but I just feel like my life could have been so much better if she would have advocated for me.

My issues have ebbed and flowed my whole life. Stress seems to make it all worse. Since she died I have really struggled with whatever is wrong with me. Maybe this is all part of the grieving process.

Do you think earlier intervention would have made your life better?

Edit: I can see a lot of us have frustration with our parents, but I agree that we should really blame the system. Thank you for all your posts, information, and solidarity.

Edit number 2: I forgot to mention my mom was a nurse and her dad was a psychiatrist.