Depression and Runescape - What I posted in my clans discord about my life.
I posted this to my clan's discord. I have been really involved in my clan recently. Hosting events, helping clan members, teaching raids, bosses, and pking. It felt nice to talk about what has been going on my life with people that have been helping me relieve stress every day when I get home from work. Oh, and it is a big tramau dump. But I chose to post it to this subreddit becaause OSRS has been a big part of my life and I am sure others are going through similar situations as I am and use runescape as an outlet and escape like I have. I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel, things do get better. :)
My clan's discord server post:
Been dealing with depression since I was a kid, but it got really bad about 7 years ago. I became an absolute mess and my wife started taking care of me. She was the only one working most of the time and I just rotted away at home. I spiraled into a really dark place. Last September, on our wedding anniversary, she left and never looked back. 12 years of being together and 8 years of marriage. I had failed her and most of all failed myself. Depression, anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking, and other destructive habits had taken control of my life.
Two months after my wife left I attempted to take my own life and had no thoughts but that the world, my friends and my family would be better off without me. I had become a burden and didn’t want to be one to anyone anymore.
I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital soon after and spent 3 days there. I hated it. I was now living with my parents and had the threat of being kicked out on the streets hovering over me every day. I was told if I didn’t have a job by March I would be kicked out.
I got a job at McDonald’s and hated it. I didn’t last there long as my depression wouldn’t allow me to grow and held me back. I hated coming downstairs to talk with my parents, thinking anything I would do or say would soon see me out on the streets where I knew I would surely give up and die.
When March came around I was prepared to meet my end and had made piece with it, thinking it was better off that way.
Luckily, my mom had convinced my dad not to kick me out. Instead of tough love and yelling at me, they tried a new approach on me and encouraged me instead. Slowly, I started to get a little better every day. They forced me to sign up for Medicaid, food stamps and took me to the food bank. I had not seen a doctor in a while and had ran out of medication that I had been taking to help with my depression. I had been on some great insurance through my wife’s work, but with us separating, that was no longer an option.
I had been starving myself, but the food bank and food stamps had me eating again. I started seeing a psychiatrist and got back on a medication regimen. I started going to a therapist every week. My doctors recommended I try out TMS treatment for my depression and anxiety. They put a big magnet against your head and pulses of magnetic waves activate the nerves in your brain that aren’t active when you’re depressed. In June I felt good enough that I started to look for a job consistently and put a lot of effort into it. I managed to land one and aced the interview and tests. I started July 8th and was promoted the very next week. From a receptionist to an administrative assistant. That came with a dollar raise and am going to be going to full time.
I just wanted to share because now I’m doing really well, when 6 months ago I thought I was a goner for sure. I I didn’t off myself, the cold was going to get me. Today, I cleaned my room for the first time in like 3 years. It’s not perfect and I still have a long way to go, but I’m proud of where I’m at right now and can’t wait to keep moving forward. I have a ton of debt to pay off that I accrued from ordering food delivery every day. I have a vehicle to buy and need to move out of my parents place. But I’m doing it, one step and one day at a time. I have also stopped binge eating and stopped binge drinking. I’m down 120 lbs from this time last year. I want to keep getting better and meet a new me that I have never seen before.
Thanks for reading my drama dump. I wanted to share because you guys have been an awesome part of my day and I get to come home and chill out with some friends and clan mates and play my favorite game. Love y’all.
Edit: Oh and my stats for those that are curious and the video of my clean(ish) room. My room: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/eFQtHubThQc
